Girls und Parody
by Banshee20
Summary: My experiences with GuP fanfic in a nutshell. Xavier is a normal chosen-one-son-of-Zeus student at Oarai Co-Ed [Can you tell it's good?] Academy, when he saves Hana Isuzu from drowning in... substances... And decides to join tankery! Drama! Romance! Worst thing you've ever read! YEAH! Rated M for My family will disown me for this.
1. Chapter 1

To anyone reading this, THIS IS INTENDED TO BE THE WORST I CAN POSSIBLY MAKE IT. Please don't hate me :'(

I just thought it'd be a good idea to write a summary of my experience with at least GuP fanfics. My friends and I spent a good half hour deciding on whether this would be a good idea. Those friends don't actually exist. I have no friends. If nothing else I hope at least someone finds this funny, or ya know; actually reads it. Anyway, I'm rambling now. I hope you enjoy Girls und Parody.

*BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP* *click* It was a cool morning on the Oarai academy school ship, the birds were dying, seagulls shitting on people, and Xavier Twatmuffin pressing snooze on his obnoxiously loud alarm clock. Even people on the St. Gloriana ship 300 miles away could hear it. Five minutes and 14 seconds later he let out a loud yawn and threw the covers made of solid 24 carat gold off of him; he stood up, letting his many perfect hair curls fall softly to his plump, rosy cheeks. He looked around and thought to himself "Well I guess I'm going to have to be the chosen one today. Guess I'm the son of Zeus or something." He rubbed his eyes lazily, and realised he hadn't had hot sex in a few weeks. Also it was halfway through the day too. Eh, he'd pay off the public morals committee with free rimjobs. He slid into his uniform, ate a nutritious breakfast of delicious souls (he was ginger after all), and begin skipping to Oarai Co-Ed Academy (BECAUSE FINANCIAL DIFFICULTIES KEK).

He had a great game he played on the way to school: punch homeless people in the face and see if they notice. They always noticed. Punching the last vagabond in the face, he flew through the gate at the speed of a dying cow. Xavier didn't want to miss his next class: GIANT GANGBANG ORGY. The overly rich kid did a sweet flip into the classroom, concussed Saori Takebe (bitch rejected him), and landed at his desk in a single motion. He'd been practicing. He looked over his shoulder and gave a bashful wave to the class hottie, Hana Isuzu. He had had the biggest crush on her for the past 247 days since Saori broke his heart. And his nose. Hana gave a reluctant wave back, much to the surprise of Xavier. He blushed and quickly turned around, giving a quiet squeal of excitement. Progress!

The bell rang. YES! IT WAS TIME FOR A GANGBANG! He threw his clothes into the corner, revealing his one inch dong. Hana screamed "SCISSOR ME TIMBERS!" As she was already scissoring with Saori. Yukari was taking creepy pictures to sell on the internet for a quick buck. Xavier strutted over to Hana and put his dick in her mouth. It was so small and she was so into the scissoring she didn't even notice the one incher in her mouth, until he came into her mouth and Hana choked on his semen. He would have to get the semen out of her lungs if she was to live, he put his lips to hers and sucked his semen straight into his stomach. "You should join the tankery club," a grateful Hana said "maybe you can suck cum from my lungs again, hmm?"

Xavier hadn't considered it before. Tankery… He didn't know much about tanks, but that Yukari girl did. He knew her parents owned a barber shop. He wondered if they trimmed pubes. He figured it would be best to ask when he got there. It was like an orange jungle. He set out to the Akiyama Barber Shop, whistling Justin Bieber's 'Baby', much to the dismay of those around him.


	2. Chapter 2: The second Chaptering

It was a small building, quiet and well maintained. But that wouldn't last long. After all, Xavier Twatmuffin had just walked into the room, arms swinging casually. His ginger locks uncurled neatly to steal souls of whoever got in his way.

"Good Afternoon" said a tall woman with dark brown hair. Xavier assumed that this was Yukari's father. He was bad at gender identification, unless the subject to be identified was butt naked. He had originally thought Mako Reizei was a demon lord, and completely genderless, which she found somewhat offensive.

Xavier asked whether Yukari was around, and whether they offered Pubic Hair trimming. The answers were no and yes: Yukari was not in. Mrs Akiyama began trimming his wiry pubes with a seductive scissoring action. Once he had a full Brazilian, his miniature wang became visible. As a celebration of this, Xavier decided that now was the time to take his fresh trim on a test drive.

He slowly slid her moist panties down her shaven thighs. Her vaginal lips fluttered in the breeze like the leaves of a sakura, for she had left the window slightly open. Xavier was instantly turned on, and his microscopic penis sprang to its one inch glory. Mr Akiyama turned around and his seasoned dong jumped through his jeans. He inserted his footlong frankfurter deep into his wife's throat, while Xavier bundled his small chode into her tight anal cavity, having decided that her fanny had been widened by Mr Akiyama one too many times.

Mrs Akiyama let out a muffled scream, and in the heat of the moment didn't notice her daughter, Yukari, walk in. She paused; raised a finger, shook her head and walked to her bedroom, as if nothing had happened. She'd seen it enough before. In fact by now she had become an internet star due to the erotic pictures she had taken. What!? Being a tank enthusiast was expensive! Mrs Akiyama was beginning to orgasm now, as were the two men. Xavier pulled his schlong out, and began to jack off violently over the mature woman's arse. Then, in a flurry of semen, all three came simultaneously. Mrs Akiyama was a squirter. Xavier pulled up his trousers and made a mental note of this. A now panting Mrs Akiyama showed Xavier to Yukari's room, but much to their surprise Yukari was already there.

"When did you get here?" asked Mrs Akiyama quizzically.

"When you were shagging this…" Yukari ran her eyes over Xavier with a disgusted expression, "This fucknut downstairs."

Mrs Akiyama retreated with a blush. "Okay, Fucknut, what do you want?" said an ever increasingly frustrated Yukari; "I promised Miho I'd play War Thunder with her tonight. She's raging hard at Russian tanks."

Xavier replied with a wink, "I want my dick inside you!" Yukari let out a long sigh.

"I'm going to ignore that and assume you came here for tanks. That's the only reason I get visitors."

Xavier let off a subtle laugh and replied: "I'd like some of that pussy, too…"

Yukari gave him a look of 'are you fucking kidding me' which shifted to shock as he unzipped his trousers for the second time that afternoon. She hated confrontation, so backed into the corner telling him that if he put his wang anywhere near her, she would 'knock him the fuck out.' Xavier found this funny, and followed Yukari into the corner with a wide grin on his freckled face. He placed his hands on her shoulders, and proceeded to slide them down her. When he reached her breasts she head-butted him and he fell unconscious. Yukari was strong since she was a loader, therefore had no problems hauling Xavier out of the window and into the dumpster below where he landed with a satisfying thud.


	3. Chapter 2 and a bit (Extra Chapter One)

[Extra Chapter One]

Yukari pressed the power button on her computer, and it promptly sprang into life. Her desktop was sorted neatly into folders, games on the left, with all her many, many mods, and on the right; 'images' and finance. She inserted her USB into the computer's port, and began uploading the pictures she had taken in Giant Orgy Gangbang class earlier that day. At the same time she opened up Teamspeak and selected the server she and Miho usually used. Miho was already there, so Yukari greeted her with a "Good evening, Nishizumi-dono!"

She launched her headphones across the room after Miho replied with a "FUCK YOU GAIJIN AND FUCK YOUR OP RUSSIAN TANKS!" Yukari picked up her headphones and commented that she 'rather wouldn't.' Especially with her encounter with Xavier mere moments before. She opened War Thunder and was greeted by a 15% RP booster and her M60 Patton. She clicked on her 'Rank 2 Tank' preset. Her M22 Locust loaded. She loved the Locust for its adorable size and rounded features, however she hated killing all her crew by hitting a tree. She invited Miho to the squad and she joined almost immediately. She knew Miho hated Russian tanks, so clicked on the Soviet nation and cracked her knuckles. She heard Miho throw the mic onto the floor. Yukari had wondered where the tankery team captain had gone until 10 minutes later she climbed through the window with bloodshot eyes. Miho began to strangle her and soon her vision faded to black.


	4. Chapter 3: The reawakening

Xavier Twatmuffin awoke with a groggy head and a sigh. He opened his eyes when he felt a mushy substance to on his face. It was a half-eaten curry. Of course; he had been thrown into the dumpster by Anglerfish team's loader, Yukari Akiyama, only minutes before. He had tried to make sexual advances, which resulted in a well-placed head-butt and a 2 storey fall. Into a bin. Unconscious. Still, he was lucky to be alive, so he went home to have a shower. Seeing as it was after school hours he slipped into his favourite mankini and hit the streets of Oarai once more. He thought for a second – a rare occurrence – and remembered Hana's words only a few hours before: "You should join tankery." He considered it and recalled the fact that tomorrow was one of the clubs' meetings. He chuckled and knew what he must do- or rather, who. After an extended swim in the girls' pool he returned home and wanked himself to sleep.

The next day he could not wait for the evening's activities. He would have had to suppress a boner if his knob were long enough to make a mountain in his pants. All those girls! He just wanted to have an orgy with the first years… Or an awesome foursome with the council! Yes, that would be tonight's 'activity'. He sat fantasizing about this until the bell, when he grabbed his bag and ran to the practice ground. He had to be the first to arrive due to his competitive nature. But Hana was already there! He gave her a cheeky fuck as a greeting before everyone else arrived at the club. Next were the student council. He took the opportunity to introduce himself as the son of Zeus and the Messiah. Anzu told him he'd need a tank and a crew if he wanted to join. He decided that the tank would be easiest. After all, he had no friends. He skipped off whistling to the tune of Deutschlandlied.

It only took 4 days to find one. He was hungry and dehydrated and had to fight off a wild first-year , hut he'd done it. Directly behind where he started. He'd even stubbed his toe on it as he'd entered the grounds. In fact, 'it' was a TOG II*,that had been modified to mount a KV-2's giant turret and M-10 howitzer. He squealed with excitement. It was Fluffy.


End file.
